Composer and musician Stephen Emmer has tinnitus: ‘Always that nasty tone in your head’
Composer, producer and musician Stephen Emmer (66) thought he had to say goodbye to his music career when his hearing problems became increasingly severe. Yet he managed to reinvent himself by taking a completely different path: that of quiet, classical music.
A doctor advised him to make friends with the tone in his head, but Stephen Emmer prefers to call it an intruder. “Although after about ten years I consider it an acquaintance, on the level of the annoying uncle at a birthday. If all goes well, you only see that uncle once a year. I have him 24 hours a day.”
In the yearning for silence, he briefly considered becoming a forest ranger, he says with a laugh. To immediately add that there was little to laugh about at the time. “It mostly says something about how desperate I was. Fortunately, my psychologist managed to change my mind. He said, ‘From how you talk about music, I sense that it’s not only your job, but also your passion. Try to find a way not to let go of that’.”
Emmer became best known in the Netherlands as the creator of well-known television tunes such as the leader of the ‘NOS Journaal’ and ‘RTL Late Night’. He also produced for numerous artists and made his own albums in music styles such as pop, rock and electronic. That is no longer possible now, due to what he himself calls “the three-stage rocket”: tinnitus, unilateral hearing loss and dizziness. “Music that is loud, busy, fast or bombastic exacerbates my symptoms to the point where I can no longer concentrate. Let alone that I can still work with screaming guitars, drums and house beats.”
After his psychologist’s remark, he arranged other people’s pieces of music for a while; it was less intense. “After a while I regained my focus and naturally slipped back into composing myself,” Emmer said. “By necessity, I discovered a new side of myself: that of quiet, slow classical music – a musical richness I had previously paid no attention to. Yet I dare say now that this actually suits me much better.”
During recordings at London’s famed Abbey Road Studios, Emmer felt that ‘Mt. Mundane ‘ – consisting of 15 cinematic compositions for piano, orchestra and choir – was the album he had always wanted to make. It will be released on Oct. 11. “Among other things, I used melodies I composed as a 20-year-old on my little plastic organ. At the time, I could hear a whole orchestra to that in my head. Over forty years later, that orchestra is really there! It is a feat that I was able to create despite and perhaps even thanks to my limitations.”
He hopes his works will be performed in concert halls at home and abroad, although he will not be able to attend any of them himself. “Maybe at some of them,” he says optimistically, though his eyes show that it is indeed painful. “I used to be as free as a bird, loved to go to Paris spontaneously, to the night movie, to a gig or out to dinner. Now I can only go to a restaurant if the acoustics are good and I sit far enough away from the speakers and the cutlery tray. Music I now only listen to at home, without background noise or stimuli.”
“It’s hard when your whole life comes to a standstill. I know people with tinnitus who have reached out to themselves, but I’ve learned to accept my limitations. The title of my album, Mt. Mundane, refers to the personal mountain I climbed. Everyone faces peaks and valleys in their lives; the question is how you deal with them. I believe I succeeded, precisely because I stayed close to myself and my passion.”
